Playoffs..... Ouch.

Dearest Alexander,

I must say that I feel responsible. I picked the Caps as my playoff team mainly because of your tough Russian exterior and creamy center. Alas, I have not been able to watch either of your opening games. I've had to work and me being a Pacific girl and you being an Eastern dude, you play at 4pm my time! And honestly, it's the Rangers. I figured you had this one in the bag and I'd have to work on my work schedule for your second round games.

It's my fault. I haven't been there, supporting you with my non-jinxing eyes. Ugh.

Love,

The Scapegoat

What We Need to be a Playoff Team

I love my Coyotes. I really do. But we need some changes.

Coaches: Wayne is going to be the coach. I'm resigned to that fact. The Great One is about the only thing keeping the 'Yotes in the Desert at this point, so whatever, he can continue on as coach, I guess. We need someone who can formulate a simplified, effective power play. Wayne was a great player, but a master power play planner he is NOT. Grant, I <3>

Fowards: We have a great core.
Shane Doan is ridiculous. Amazing attitude, dedication, skill.

Lombo and Upshall work great together. Sign Scottie damnit!

Prucha is the bravest dude I've ever seen in front of the net. He gets his Czech butt beat and comes back for more. Sign him. NOW!

Mueller. I know you have it in you. You're 21 and have the pressure of a whole team and their offensive woes on you. You'll shake it off next year.

Hanzal: The trick to getting this defensive stud to score is to have his parents in the stands. All games without parents in the stands: 8 goals. 1 game with parents in the stands: 3 goals. We need to relocate the Hanzal's to Phoenix and get them some season tickets.

Enver! I would write amazing things here about how I love to watch your killer moves but I can't. You skate so fast I can't see them when you do them. I have to wait for the replays to admire your crazy Russian KGB assassin skills.

Reino and Winnik. You both are free agents. Reino, Shane loves you so I think we should keep you. Winnik, I'm sorry, I need a spot for Joel Perrault to come up from San Antonio so you're toast. Plus, some fans have said you aren't super nice. Coyotes love their fans. Period.

Fedoruk and Dawes. Sky Harbor Airport. I can get you directions. Maybe I can package one of you with Prust and deal you out.

The Coyote Pups. Teek. Kyle. Baby Dane (Mikkel). If I have to take only 2 of the 3 of you, Kyle, you're going down to San Antonio. Mikkel is fast and is big enough to check. Teek is great defensively, has pretty good hands, and is killer on the shootouts (God knows we need someone who is besides Shane). Sorry Kyle, I need Mueller to go back to Center and that leaves you in Texas.

Joakim. My IKEA player. You got hosed when the new dudes arrived. You have promise, but I'm on the fence about you. Please resign for cheap so I can have guilt-free adoration of you again next year?

Defense:

Michalek: Z. You are what every D-man on our team should aspire to be. I need to get you some Icy Hot and armor-plated pads.

Yandle: You're coming along well. If you get those slip-ups and turnovers under control, you will be great. Your offensive up-side and outlet passes are amazing. Plus we need someone who continually gives the media quotes and seriously, you never stop talking :P

Sauer: Minnesota! Woot! You're tough. You're a stay at home D-man and work well with Z. Welcome to your long-term home.

Klee: I love how you flip upside down stretching during warmups. You're a good dude and I wanna resign you next year. Please be cheap :)

Kalinen: I don't really know how to spell your name. That doesn't bode well. You're a good defensemen. I need a spot for Jonas to come up from San Antonio. You had a bad rep in New York.

Jovo: 6.5 million. If I could get anyone to take your salary, you'd be long gone.


Goalies:

Bryz: Honey you need to get it together when the other team scores twice. I'll try to get you some defensive support.

Montoya: Wow. Please resign.

Playoff Days 1 & 2

So it turns out that I control the NHL playoffs. But not in a pleasant way. Whoever I want to win...... LOSES! Sharks, Flyers, Habs, and Caps! Alex, Ovie, AO, #8, where did we go wrong?!?!

The Rangers beat the Caps. Apparently that whole goalie position turns out to be important. Who would have thought? Ovie scored, but his supporting cast left a little to be desired. Caps, I picked you as my playoff team because my Coyotes didn't make it. I didn't realize that I was a hex. Damnit!

Bruins beat the Habs. Ok, everyone thought this would happen, but I held out hope because I wanted so badly for Carey Price to be great. Mainly because he's Shane Doan's cousin, so he must be a direct decendent of Jesus.

Pens over Flyers. Philly. What. the. hell.? I know you somewhat caved at the end of the year. I know the Pens were in it for the Cup last year and have two of the three greatest players in the game right now. But couldn't you have lost in a slightly more pretty way? And Danny Carcillo. SHAME! You are a former Coyote. ACT LIKE IT! (Our GM in Phoenix stole Scottie Upshall AND a 2nd round pick for Carcillo and Philly got robbed people).

Sharks. I don't like you. But I HATE the Ducks. So Sharks, I need you to get it in gear. Hiller was super tough in goal, but the Presidents Trophy winners need to get the job done at home or perish. You better not perish because I hate the Ducks. Getzlaff, Pronger, and Perry club baby seals in the off-season as far as I'm concerned.

Nucks and Blues. I don't have a preference either way. The Blues were a great story getting into the post-season. Everyone kisses Roberto's ass so it makes me not love the Nucks. The freakish twins really did a number on the Blues defense so I think they are serious trouble.

Calgary and Chicago. THANK GOD the Blackhawks beat Olli Jokinen. I never thought I'd ever say thank god the Blackhawks won. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Phoenix did a good job of stealing Matt Lombardi away from Calgary with a 1st round pick. We also got Prust but his value remains to be seen. I would say Go Chicago, but then I'd have to cut my own tongue out, so I'll go with BOOOO Calgary!

Devils and Carolina ~ I love me some University of North Dakota players and Zach Parise is one of the best. Many pick Carolina in this series and NJ faded down the stretch, but it's not currently Hurricane season and I don't see a storm cloud in the sky.

Detriot/Columbus. I'm a sucker for rookies. I love Steve Mason. I hate Detriot. It doesn't look good for the Blue Jackets, but I'm holding out for a miracle.

New Season. New Blog.

Here we go. Putting together a new blog. Lots o' work!