Playoffs = Exciting. Yotes Leaving = Over My Dead Body

First things first, because they playoffs are currently real, I will start there.

Caps/Pens:

I'm pretty psyched that the Caps won their series. I guess I just needed to prioritize hockey in my life for them to feel like they can win! The Caps and Pens is basically a hugely dream series because Cindy Crysby and Ovie are supposedly the best two players in the game. I don't know how that can be when Cindy isn't even the best player on his team (Hi Evgeni, congrats on that Art Ross!!!) Ovie was important in the Rangers series because he worked his butt off, but he didn't offensively take over any games.

Prediction: Caps in 7.... ?

Van / Chi:

I don't love either of these teams. My secret, ok not so secret, hope is that they will beat each other into a pulp that will be cleaned up by someone in the next round.

Prediction: Body Parts from Vancouver in 6


Deadwings/Ducks:

Ugh. I hate the western conference other than my team. I am liking Jonas Hiller now because he's a young dude that has faced some pretty good offense and has withstood it. However, I can't root for the Ducks because then I'd have to committ suicide.

Prediction: The rich kids in 6

Bruins/Caro:

Eric Staal. I'm sorry. You were man enough to beat New Jersey pretty much with just your line, but there is this big ass Slovakian dude on their team and I think he wants to eat you like some ribs babe.

Prediction: The man eaters in 6

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo OVIE!


Ok, now for the Coyotes. So it's starting to look like they may be moved after next season if we don't get our heads out of our asses and buy some tickets people. I'm guilty of using stubhub to get tickets instead of buying seats that aren't already paid for. I'm super guilty! But we have to stop! We need to go and spend some cash (this from the girl who lost her job this year!). The fans need to do their part. Bring your friends to hockey. They'll get hooked because seriously, it's the fastest, most exciting sport to watch live! Go Fans!

Players, I need you to do your part. I need some of you (umm #88) to haul ass EVERY game. Play like you don't wanna move all ur shit to Canada because it's really damn cold up there. Play like you don't want to get into a really cold car to drive to the arena because you're not in the warm Phoenix winter anymore.

Rich ass Scottsdale people: I need one of you to step up and buy the damn team. Wouldn't your rich friends think it's cool that you "own" hockey players?

City of Glendale: Fix the damn lease deal. If we lose the team, we won't EVER get another one and if you douches are the cause, I'll make you miserable.

*Sigh* This makes me sad.

Playoffs..... Ouch.

Dearest Alexander,

I must say that I feel responsible. I picked the Caps as my playoff team mainly because of your tough Russian exterior and creamy center. Alas, I have not been able to watch either of your opening games. I've had to work and me being a Pacific girl and you being an Eastern dude, you play at 4pm my time! And honestly, it's the Rangers. I figured you had this one in the bag and I'd have to work on my work schedule for your second round games.

It's my fault. I haven't been there, supporting you with my non-jinxing eyes. Ugh.

Love,

The Scapegoat

What We Need to be a Playoff Team

I love my Coyotes. I really do. But we need some changes.

Coaches: Wayne is going to be the coach. I'm resigned to that fact. The Great One is about the only thing keeping the 'Yotes in the Desert at this point, so whatever, he can continue on as coach, I guess. We need someone who can formulate a simplified, effective power play. Wayne was a great player, but a master power play planner he is NOT. Grant, I <3>

Fowards: We have a great core.
Shane Doan is ridiculous. Amazing attitude, dedication, skill.

Lombo and Upshall work great together. Sign Scottie damnit!

Prucha is the bravest dude I've ever seen in front of the net. He gets his Czech butt beat and comes back for more. Sign him. NOW!

Mueller. I know you have it in you. You're 21 and have the pressure of a whole team and their offensive woes on you. You'll shake it off next year.

Hanzal: The trick to getting this defensive stud to score is to have his parents in the stands. All games without parents in the stands: 8 goals. 1 game with parents in the stands: 3 goals. We need to relocate the Hanzal's to Phoenix and get them some season tickets.

Enver! I would write amazing things here about how I love to watch your killer moves but I can't. You skate so fast I can't see them when you do them. I have to wait for the replays to admire your crazy Russian KGB assassin skills.

Reino and Winnik. You both are free agents. Reino, Shane loves you so I think we should keep you. Winnik, I'm sorry, I need a spot for Joel Perrault to come up from San Antonio so you're toast. Plus, some fans have said you aren't super nice. Coyotes love their fans. Period.

Fedoruk and Dawes. Sky Harbor Airport. I can get you directions. Maybe I can package one of you with Prust and deal you out.

The Coyote Pups. Teek. Kyle. Baby Dane (Mikkel). If I have to take only 2 of the 3 of you, Kyle, you're going down to San Antonio. Mikkel is fast and is big enough to check. Teek is great defensively, has pretty good hands, and is killer on the shootouts (God knows we need someone who is besides Shane). Sorry Kyle, I need Mueller to go back to Center and that leaves you in Texas.

Joakim. My IKEA player. You got hosed when the new dudes arrived. You have promise, but I'm on the fence about you. Please resign for cheap so I can have guilt-free adoration of you again next year?

Defense:

Michalek: Z. You are what every D-man on our team should aspire to be. I need to get you some Icy Hot and armor-plated pads.

Yandle: You're coming along well. If you get those slip-ups and turnovers under control, you will be great. Your offensive up-side and outlet passes are amazing. Plus we need someone who continually gives the media quotes and seriously, you never stop talking :P

Sauer: Minnesota! Woot! You're tough. You're a stay at home D-man and work well with Z. Welcome to your long-term home.

Klee: I love how you flip upside down stretching during warmups. You're a good dude and I wanna resign you next year. Please be cheap :)

Kalinen: I don't really know how to spell your name. That doesn't bode well. You're a good defensemen. I need a spot for Jonas to come up from San Antonio. You had a bad rep in New York.

Jovo: 6.5 million. If I could get anyone to take your salary, you'd be long gone.


Goalies:

Bryz: Honey you need to get it together when the other team scores twice. I'll try to get you some defensive support.

Montoya: Wow. Please resign.

Playoff Days 1 & 2

So it turns out that I control the NHL playoffs. But not in a pleasant way. Whoever I want to win...... LOSES! Sharks, Flyers, Habs, and Caps! Alex, Ovie, AO, #8, where did we go wrong?!?!

The Rangers beat the Caps. Apparently that whole goalie position turns out to be important. Who would have thought? Ovie scored, but his supporting cast left a little to be desired. Caps, I picked you as my playoff team because my Coyotes didn't make it. I didn't realize that I was a hex. Damnit!

Bruins beat the Habs. Ok, everyone thought this would happen, but I held out hope because I wanted so badly for Carey Price to be great. Mainly because he's Shane Doan's cousin, so he must be a direct decendent of Jesus.

Pens over Flyers. Philly. What. the. hell.? I know you somewhat caved at the end of the year. I know the Pens were in it for the Cup last year and have two of the three greatest players in the game right now. But couldn't you have lost in a slightly more pretty way? And Danny Carcillo. SHAME! You are a former Coyote. ACT LIKE IT! (Our GM in Phoenix stole Scottie Upshall AND a 2nd round pick for Carcillo and Philly got robbed people).

Sharks. I don't like you. But I HATE the Ducks. So Sharks, I need you to get it in gear. Hiller was super tough in goal, but the Presidents Trophy winners need to get the job done at home or perish. You better not perish because I hate the Ducks. Getzlaff, Pronger, and Perry club baby seals in the off-season as far as I'm concerned.

Nucks and Blues. I don't have a preference either way. The Blues were a great story getting into the post-season. Everyone kisses Roberto's ass so it makes me not love the Nucks. The freakish twins really did a number on the Blues defense so I think they are serious trouble.

Calgary and Chicago. THANK GOD the Blackhawks beat Olli Jokinen. I never thought I'd ever say thank god the Blackhawks won. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Phoenix did a good job of stealing Matt Lombardi away from Calgary with a 1st round pick. We also got Prust but his value remains to be seen. I would say Go Chicago, but then I'd have to cut my own tongue out, so I'll go with BOOOO Calgary!

Devils and Carolina ~ I love me some University of North Dakota players and Zach Parise is one of the best. Many pick Carolina in this series and NJ faded down the stretch, but it's not currently Hurricane season and I don't see a storm cloud in the sky.

Detriot/Columbus. I'm a sucker for rookies. I love Steve Mason. I hate Detriot. It doesn't look good for the Blue Jackets, but I'm holding out for a miracle.

New Season. New Blog.

Here we go. Putting together a new blog. Lots o' work!